Come as you are

Over the years, I have developed a habit of reinforcing important personal principles and ideals by writing them down and hanging them up in my office. They’re on the wall, the cabinets and the door. Amongst the wise words aligned neatly in a row of sticky notes is the following sentiment: “Being gay is natural. Hating gay people is a lifestyle choice.” I am not sure who originally said it, but I heard it for the first time when Thomas Roberts said it one morning on MSNBC’s Way Too Early. The quote caught my attention immediately. I put it on the wall as soon as I got to my office.

I wish that I could say that I was brought up in a tolerant, liberal environment that encouraged me to accept individuals exactly as they are. But I wasn’t. I was raised in the Deep South in a Pentecostal church, where I was taught that simply being born different could be a cardinal sin and that God was a judging, condemning being that was to be feared above all. Thankfully, I have since grown up and experience has proved that different isn’t dangerous. In fact, it is the diversity of our lives and experiences that make the world a rich and endearing place. Each of us is fearfully and wonderfully made no matter what we look like, where we are born, or whom we love. I was uniquely blessed with a little bit of help in coming to this worldview. I am lucky enough to have a courageous big brother. He is an openly gay, African-American man and, as of this past June, an ordained minister. He lives his life with the kind of beauty and bravery that I can only hope and pray that my own children will inherit. So, when the now infamous Andrew Caldwell video went viral a couple of weeks ago, my reaction came from an interesting place to say the least.

Like most people that I know, the first time that I saw the video filled with Mr. Caldwell’s seemingly visceral and hyperbolic emotions about his sexuality, I initially laughed. I’m human. But after re-examining the clip and also seeing other comments made during the Church of God in Christ Holy Convocation (the event where all this apparently occurred), I thought about my evangelical roots and then I thought about my brother, his partner and their experiences. Whether Mr. Caldwell is just a fly-by-night “internet sensation” or an oppressed gay man trying desperately to gain acceptance from his own community or an individual that sincerely views homosexuality as an abomination and truly doesn’t want to be gay, we as an African-American community owe him and others like him more than making his name a punch line. It’s time for a genuine, public conversation about the evangelical Black church and its demonization of the LGBT community. The longer that we allow one of our most powerful institutions to teach our children to point and laugh at and ostracize an entire segment of our population, the longer we will have to wait to see real progress and advancement in our communities. It is often said that an oppressed people eventually learn to become oppressors. Unfortunately, certain segments of the Black church have made this statement true. We often forget that the same Bible that so many of use to pass judgment on homosexuals, was used by slaveholders to justify the systematic dehumanization of African slaves in America. Not one single word in the Bible has changed. No matter which side you fall on in this debate, we must realize that this is a debate worth having and taking seriously. Personally, I wish Mr. Caldwell the best and I hope that he achieves all that he wishes to achieve in this life. That’s my sincere hope for all human beings. I prefer to live in a world where people are free to be themselves and to love themselves, exactly as they are.