#parent | #kids | ‘Dear Future Survivor’: School shooting survivors pen letters to future survivors | #schoolshooting

Sadly, I knew you would be reading this because I feel school shootings have become an unresolved epidemic.

I hope my letter will give guidance, context, and perspective for the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, years, and decades to come. I am here for you if you ever need anything. A hug from another survivor is different than a hug from someone trying to console you. I have been a survivor for well over 20 years now and there are things I wish I knew in the beginning, middle and current time frames.

In the days and weeks after Columbine, I was 14 years old sleeping in between my parents with my shoes on. I felt like I always needed to be ready for the “what if” scenarios because I never thought something like this could ever happen to me.

At the time, school shootings were not “a thing” and I felt that I was still in shock for a very long time. I wish mental health was not such a stigma when my shooting happened and there weren’t any mental health professionals, to my knowledge, that could help with my specific situation.

In the years since my shooting, I have taught myself a coping mechanism that has helped me get through situations that may be scary to me. Being overly prepared to travel, going to concerts, and going to a special event will help you with all endeavors. Creating lists, planning ahead, looking for exit strategies in new areas and creating any comfort while away from home are all things I practice to be more prepared and aware of situational surroundings.

Another thing that was hard to cope with, in the beginning, was hugging my parents. Survivor’s guilt can come in many different forms.

My form of guilt came from the inability to hug my mom and dad. It wasn’t that I felt like they “didn’t get” it or they “didn’t understand”. It was because there were other parents out there that would never hug their children again. I felt guilty for receiving love and comfort and I wish that someone would have told me, it is OK to hug your loved ones. Hold each other tight because love and comfort are going to be a huge part of your recovery process. “The greatest gift you’ll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.”

In the following years, I learned that every anniversary will be different and peer support will help you astronomically.

On your anniversary, you can take the day off, go to work, go on vacation or participate in acts of service, however, the date will always remain the same. You can’t avoid it or the emotions that are married with that day. Your community may plan something each year for the anniversary. I have found participating in the day’s events with your peers has helped. If you are unable to participate, try a random act of kindness and then treat yourself to some self care.

On a separate note, I feel compelled to share a piece of advice another survivor gave to me. She said, everyone grieves differently. Someone who was in the same room or area as you may not be on the same path of grief that you are on. Remember that everyone has their own timeline with grief and everyone is right on time for their own grief timeline.

Lastly, be resourceful. Being a survivor will be with you through your entire life and possibly your children’s lives.

A resource I found was peer support. Because of what I have been through, I searched for others like me and found The Rebels Project.

My connections fostered hope of feeling less alone and I have become so passionate about helping other survivors that I am now a volunteer as the director of community outreach for The Rebels Project. It is a peer support group that creates connections with other survivors of mass tragedy. I have the amazing opportunity to help other communities and connect with other victims who have been in a similar situation like mine.

The group still helps me to this day.

I am a mother now and the thought of my child entering into the school system was absolutely terrifying. This thought was so heartbreaking and I decided to give therapy another try. Also, I reached out and asked other moms in The Rebels Project how they coped with their children going to school. Though I still battle this fear every day, their support and guidance gives me feelings that my child has a possibility of living a “normal life” and that my challenges don’t have to be faced alone.

Sending you all the love, light, and good vibes along your journey. You are not alone.