Dr. Tara Chambers, an outpatient therapist at Spero Family Services, explains how that can be perceived.
“Helicopter parents have been labeled as these crazy, over zealous parents who hover over their children,” she explains.
In her experience, these parents are doing it out of love for their child.
“As parents, what most of us want for our kids is for them to not have to go through the hard things we’ve been through,” Chambers adds.
Jesse Smith-Fulia, a social work instructor at Shawnee Community college, agrees with why some moms and dads are attracted to the helicopter-style of parenting.
“The parents knows so much more than the 13 year old because they have all of this lived experience,” he says.
One example of helicopter parents that he gives, is moms and dads out at sporting events telling their child each play and move they should be making.
“The parent is just yelling,” he goes on to say. “Telling the child pass the ball to him. It’s almost like the parent should be out there playing.”
While others are more behind closed doors, “telling the teenager how to dress, when they should go to bed, and lots of directives.”
Smith-Fulia says there can be some positives to helicopter parenting like making sure the child studies and does their homework.
“Children do better academically, which often turns into, they get better grades in school,” he explains. “That sets them up for getting into a better college, which sets them up for a better career.”
However, Smith Fulia believes, the negatives outweigh the positives.
“I worry that when children aren’t allowed to form their own identity, ” he says. “Make their own choices, make their own mistakes, they’re sort of held back from adulthood.”
Or rebelling with life-long consequences like teen pregnancy.
“I have to show mom and dad that I am my own person and that they cant control me,” he adds. ”
So how do parents find a happy medium?
Smith-Fulia suggests parents should play an active role in the child’s life when they’re young.
I think that a parent should be slowly giving their child more and more responsibilities for their lives throughout their childhood,” he recommends.
Chambers adds to that sentiment, “You just have to remember, that they do need to learn on their own in some ways.”
She shares some simple choices that also give independence. Those including things like letting the child try foods you as the parents know they probably won’t like, to the color of their hair, or not making them wear socks when you know they should.
“You’re probably going to get a blister and tomorrow you’re going to wear socks,” Chambers says of the scenario. “But, I’m going to let you figure that out on your own.”
This way when parents do put their foot down, the child will know its for good reason.