Violence in America: pastime and pathology

Photo: Jaimie Duplass – Fotolia.com

The recent arrest of Minnesota Vikings superstar running back, Adrian Peterson, on charges of child abuse has sparked an uneasy and controversial national conversation about corporal punishment. Peterson allegedly used a “switch” to spank his four-year-old son as a form of discipline. In the days since the arrest, Peterson has been suspended from his team and has received some harsh criticism from Vikings fans as well as the general viewing public. But the embattled athlete also has some defenders. Most people on this side of the debate point out that Peterson is a product of his environment and was only doing what he learned from his own childhood. Often, these folks will reference the discipline that they received as a child administered via “switches”, belts, paddles, extension cords, and the like. If there is any good that comes out of Peterson’s personal drama, it is the fact that his story compels many American parents to ask one critical question of themselves: Why do I think it is okay to hit my child?

I have personally wrestled with this question for several years now. Like Peterson, I was also raised in the South and corporal punishment was a part of my childhood. I’ve been spanked with a number of different instruments. The oddest was a frozen fish that my mother hurled across the kitchen at me because I was “back-sassing.” Also, like Peterson, my mother was just doing to me what was done to her. So when I had children of my own, it seemed that the most natural form of discipline to use would be a spanking; especially, since I have boys. The problem lies in the fact that it didn’t feel natural at all when I spanked my kids. We often joke about our parents and grandparents classically proclaiming that, “this hurts me more than it hurts you” as they beat us into submission. But there is an eerie ringing of truth in that statement. Unlike my forbearers, I only used a belt and never pulled down pants, so I really believed that I was evolving; but when I spanked my kids there was always a part of me that questioned the action. Is there a better way? Is this the healthiest way to discipline my child or is this the way that gets me the result that I want in the shortest amount of time? My genuine struggle with these questions led me to go on what most of my colleagues and friends called a “fool’s journey” about 18 months ago. I decided that I would commit myself to 100 days without any corporal punishment. No matter what level of trouble the boys got into, I would not discipline them with the belt for 100 days; a fool’s journey indeed. Without proper planning for alternatives or buy-in from their father (he thought I fell and bumped my head), my grand experiment crashed and burned around the 61^st day when my boys got into a physical altercation over a video game. Since the Peterson story broke, I’ve been seriously considering giving the corporal punishment ban another try—this time for good.

Here in the United States, we’ve become accustomed to believing our own myths. It is simple human nature to adhere to a tradition because it is familiar and we find a certain comfort in that which is familiar. Discipline by force is what we’ve always done and it’s what we know. And for some of us, no amount of expert testimony, statistics, or studies can make us believe otherwise. But I believe that ultimately humanity evolves—very slowly—but it evolves none the less. In this nation, we have slayed the abomination of slavery; we have slowly, but surely, advanced the rights and roles of women; and we are steadfastly approaching the day when lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered citizens can enjoy the full rights of that citizenship. Perhaps it is possible for us as a society to decide that using physical force to chastise the youngest and most vulnerable amongst us is a practice that should be left in the past. We get some things wrong, but eventually we get them right. The changing of social norms and beliefs does not begin with a movement of the masses; rather it begins in the heart of each individual. One person decides that they do not have to do the same thing that everybody else does. Maybe there is a different, perhaps even better, solution than the one your father used. Change is a sign of growth. And real growth occurs when we challenge the status quo. And in some cultures, violence (striking an individual with the express purpose of causing pain) is the status quo when it comes to disciplining children. Today, I am challenging that status quo. And maybe my children will do the same with their children and eventually we will evolve. Only time will tell.